Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Domestic Violence, the Original Pandemic
Pandemic as defined is "an epidemic of infectious disease that is spreading through human populations across a large region; for instance a continent, or even worldwide." If we were to equate domestic violence (DV) abusers to an infectious disease (which I quite like), then this definition works. Abusers certainly destroy more lives and kill more people every day than H1N1, and yet we hear little public outcry for a 'vaccine' or 'cure.' DV happens to people in every race, socioeconomic status, religion, age, sexual orientation, and education level as abusers do not discriminate. The spread of DV goes unchecked when we turn a blind eye and say that it is a private matter, when our law enforcement or laws fail to protect our citizens, and when our society condones many of the behaviors of abusers while blaming the victims.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In my former life, before staying home with the kids, I coordinated the 24 hour crisis line at Domestic Abuse Intervention Services (DAIS) in Dane County, WI. It's a hard job and even when you leave the field, you never leave the work behind. It stays with you, forever changing you.
The following video is a story that aired in Madison, WI, but it could have been told in any town. Leigh Mills and my friend Shannon Barry do an excellent job covering the domestic murder of Francie Weber by her husband who committed suicide. I cannot even imagine how Francie's niece Letitia got through this interview or how her children get through each day. The story in itself is not unique, but therein lies the problem. It's happening EVERY DAY in this country and across our world.
I could go on and on about this subject, about how you know or perhaps are a victim or survivor of domestic violence, or about how serious and wide spread this is. DV can be physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, or financial, and it is about power and control and entitlement. We as a community must stand up and hold abusers accountable. I could talk about why it is NEVER the victim's fault and that there are many legitimate reasons for staying in an abusive relationship. I could tell you that DV victims (and their kids) are at far greater risk of being seriously injured or killed by the abuser once they separate from them and even years after leaving. Instead I'll just ask that you take a couple of minutes to watch the story as they all did a phenomenal job portraying the reality that is domestic violence.
If the video doesn't work, click HERE.
Powerful, wasn't it? DV advocacy by itself is very important to me, but sadly I've been introduced to another layer and that is DV among my new community of families who have a child with special needs. This, my friends is something that I rarely hear discussed.
I know that I am blessed to have a wonderful husband and extended family. I've developed some amazing friendships since Sophie entered my world and have grown closer to old friends. My support system is strong. My access to Early Intervention is good. My love for my daughter is deep.
Sadly, not all parents who have children with special needs have as many resources. Many struggle through each day in ways I cannot imagine. Even more tragic is the fact that much of the abuse of children with special needs is sustained by the hand of a parent or caregiver. Imagine, if you will, a home where the mother experiences domestic violence. Imagine then what the life of a child with special needs is like as they witness this abuse or are directly abused. These families are even more isolated and at more risk for serious trauma and injury.
What can be done? Volunteer or donate money or needed items to your local DV program. Join online forums for special needs and offer your support. downsyn for families and friends of a loved one with Ds is my favorite forum. Be a friend and listen, keeping your eyes and ears open.
I'll leave you with one last set of stats taken from the ARC:
- 1 in 3 children with disabilities are victims of some form of abuse, sexual abuse, or neglect. (Sullivan & Knutson, 2000).
- Individuals with developmental disabilities are 4 to 10 more times more likely to be victims of a crime than people without disabilities (Sobsey, et al., 1995).
- Children with developmental disabilities are at twice the risk of physical and sexual abuse compared to children without disabilities (Crosse et. al., 1993).
For more information or to get help, please contact:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE
The National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In my former life, before staying home with the kids, I coordinated the 24 hour crisis line at Domestic Abuse Intervention Services (DAIS) in Dane County, WI. It's a hard job and even when you leave the field, you never leave the work behind. It stays with you, forever changing you.
The following video is a story that aired in Madison, WI, but it could have been told in any town. Leigh Mills and my friend Shannon Barry do an excellent job covering the domestic murder of Francie Weber by her husband who committed suicide. I cannot even imagine how Francie's niece Letitia got through this interview or how her children get through each day. The story in itself is not unique, but therein lies the problem. It's happening EVERY DAY in this country and across our world.
I could go on and on about this subject, about how you know or perhaps are a victim or survivor of domestic violence, or about how serious and wide spread this is. DV can be physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, or financial, and it is about power and control and entitlement. We as a community must stand up and hold abusers accountable. I could talk about why it is NEVER the victim's fault and that there are many legitimate reasons for staying in an abusive relationship. I could tell you that DV victims (and their kids) are at far greater risk of being seriously injured or killed by the abuser once they separate from them and even years after leaving. Instead I'll just ask that you take a couple of minutes to watch the story as they all did a phenomenal job portraying the reality that is domestic violence.
If the video doesn't work, click HERE.
Powerful, wasn't it? DV advocacy by itself is very important to me, but sadly I've been introduced to another layer and that is DV among my new community of families who have a child with special needs. This, my friends is something that I rarely hear discussed.
I know that I am blessed to have a wonderful husband and extended family. I've developed some amazing friendships since Sophie entered my world and have grown closer to old friends. My support system is strong. My access to Early Intervention is good. My love for my daughter is deep.
Sadly, not all parents who have children with special needs have as many resources. Many struggle through each day in ways I cannot imagine. Even more tragic is the fact that much of the abuse of children with special needs is sustained by the hand of a parent or caregiver. Imagine, if you will, a home where the mother experiences domestic violence. Imagine then what the life of a child with special needs is like as they witness this abuse or are directly abused. These families are even more isolated and at more risk for serious trauma and injury.
What can be done? Volunteer or donate money or needed items to your local DV program. Join online forums for special needs and offer your support. downsyn for families and friends of a loved one with Ds is my favorite forum. Be a friend and listen, keeping your eyes and ears open.
I'll leave you with one last set of stats taken from the ARC:
- 1 in 3 children with disabilities are victims of some form of abuse, sexual abuse, or neglect. (Sullivan & Knutson, 2000).
- Individuals with developmental disabilities are 4 to 10 more times more likely to be victims of a crime than people without disabilities (Sobsey, et al., 1995).
- Children with developmental disabilities are at twice the risk of physical and sexual abuse compared to children without disabilities (Crosse et. al., 1993).
For more information or to get help, please contact:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE
The National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE
Thursday, October 29, 2009
My Hubby - My Hero
I haven't blogged much about my hubby, besides our family adventures and date nights. Truth be told, he's a pretty swell guy. He's the fun one. The one responsible for keeping laughter in our home. The easy going one. He's kind, brilliant, forgiving, and patient. He's really funny too and the best story teller I've ever known. (plus he puts up with ME!)
Nobody works harder than Mark. He's been lucky enough to find a career where his skills and passion collide. This man is a fabulous professor. He has been working as a visiting professor for a couple of years and has been simultaneously on the market for a tenure track job. His area is Russia and Eastern Europe in political science. He also teaches international relations and comparative politics. If you have any ins, please send me a message, as the job market has been brutal, to put it mildly. His website is HERE. Check it out and you too will see how dedicated he is to his field.
Mark's first book The Political Power of Bad Ideas (cover art by his brother Dan) is being published by Oxford University Press and is due out in a few months. You can take a peek and pre-order HERE or HERE. He has a contract with the New York Times for an op ed (date TBD) and a couple new articles coming out soon in various journals. (yes, I am a proud wifey)
The thing is, it's not just me, his mom, and his kids that think so highly of this man. His students love him, and they should. Have you ever heard of a professor staying up regularly till 4 am to hold online review sessions before tests? Bending over backwards for every student and honestly wanting each and every one of them to be interested and succeed?
At our Buddy Walk this Saturday, our opening remarks were by by Mary Beth Versaci, whose little sister Patti has Down syndrome. You may remember her as the university student columnist for the Daily Illini who wrote THIS piece about some local nastiness. She also happens to be a student of Mark's and she also was involved with our Spread the Word to End the Word 3.31.09 event on campus. With her permission, I'd like to share a little of the speech that kicked off our Buddy Walk, because besides being an amazing professor, husband, and dad, this man is Sophie's biggest advocate.
"Last semester, I took the class Introduction to Political Science taught by a professor who is actually here today, Professor Mark S. I believe it was in the first class after we had watched the Presidential Inauguration (because it happened to be that same day) that Prof. S. introduced himself and talked about his family, including his daughter with Down syndrome, and then went on to talk about the r-word. He told a story where he was walking with his family down Green Street in campus town and I think it may have actually been after the Buddy Walk or some sort of event for Down syndrome awareness, and he heard a group of college students throwing the r-word around like it was no big deal. I remember distinctly that he described hearing the r-word as being like a dagger, and not only was that the first time that I heard someone else talk about how much they hated the r-word, but he also described exactly how it felt because as I mentioned earlier, in my own mind, I had always described hearing the r-word as feeling like I was being stabbed. And I just want to say thank you, Prof. S., so much for using your position as a professor, where you have the opportunity to talk to so many students everyday, to speak about the hurtful use of the r-word, and I also want to let you know that I know for a fact it makes a difference. One of my friends who was in the class with me actually stopped using the r-word, and not only that, but he also helped out on the Spread the Word to End the Word Day, a day dedicated to encouraging people to stop using the r-word out of respect for those around them, on campus with passing out fliers, buttons and stickers and getting signatures from people pledging that they would stop using the r-word, and even now, he has one of those buttons on his backpack. So, even though he doesn’t have a sibling with an intellectual disability or anything like that, he changed his ways and actually became a big advocate of the cause all because of what you said in class."
Ya, that's MY guy!
Mary Beth's entire speech was wonderful (not just the part about Mark). Here are her concluding remarks:
Nobody works harder than Mark. He's been lucky enough to find a career where his skills and passion collide. This man is a fabulous professor. He has been working as a visiting professor for a couple of years and has been simultaneously on the market for a tenure track job. His area is Russia and Eastern Europe in political science. He also teaches international relations and comparative politics. If you have any ins, please send me a message, as the job market has been brutal, to put it mildly. His website is HERE. Check it out and you too will see how dedicated he is to his field.
Mark's first book The Political Power of Bad Ideas (cover art by his brother Dan) is being published by Oxford University Press and is due out in a few months. You can take a peek and pre-order HERE or HERE. He has a contract with the New York Times for an op ed (date TBD) and a couple new articles coming out soon in various journals. (yes, I am a proud wifey)
The thing is, it's not just me, his mom, and his kids that think so highly of this man. His students love him, and they should. Have you ever heard of a professor staying up regularly till 4 am to hold online review sessions before tests? Bending over backwards for every student and honestly wanting each and every one of them to be interested and succeed?
At our Buddy Walk this Saturday, our opening remarks were by by Mary Beth Versaci, whose little sister Patti has Down syndrome. You may remember her as the university student columnist for the Daily Illini who wrote THIS piece about some local nastiness. She also happens to be a student of Mark's and she also was involved with our Spread the Word to End the Word 3.31.09 event on campus. With her permission, I'd like to share a little of the speech that kicked off our Buddy Walk, because besides being an amazing professor, husband, and dad, this man is Sophie's biggest advocate.
"Last semester, I took the class Introduction to Political Science taught by a professor who is actually here today, Professor Mark S. I believe it was in the first class after we had watched the Presidential Inauguration (because it happened to be that same day) that Prof. S. introduced himself and talked about his family, including his daughter with Down syndrome, and then went on to talk about the r-word. He told a story where he was walking with his family down Green Street in campus town and I think it may have actually been after the Buddy Walk or some sort of event for Down syndrome awareness, and he heard a group of college students throwing the r-word around like it was no big deal. I remember distinctly that he described hearing the r-word as being like a dagger, and not only was that the first time that I heard someone else talk about how much they hated the r-word, but he also described exactly how it felt because as I mentioned earlier, in my own mind, I had always described hearing the r-word as feeling like I was being stabbed. And I just want to say thank you, Prof. S., so much for using your position as a professor, where you have the opportunity to talk to so many students everyday, to speak about the hurtful use of the r-word, and I also want to let you know that I know for a fact it makes a difference. One of my friends who was in the class with me actually stopped using the r-word, and not only that, but he also helped out on the Spread the Word to End the Word Day, a day dedicated to encouraging people to stop using the r-word out of respect for those around them, on campus with passing out fliers, buttons and stickers and getting signatures from people pledging that they would stop using the r-word, and even now, he has one of those buttons on his backpack. So, even though he doesn’t have a sibling with an intellectual disability or anything like that, he changed his ways and actually became a big advocate of the cause all because of what you said in class."
Ya, that's MY guy!
Mary Beth's entire speech was wonderful (not just the part about Mark). Here are her concluding remarks:
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
(Mostly) Wordless Wednesday
It's supposed to be a wordless post. I'm supposed to leave Alexander's Halloween candy out of my mouth.
Helena's 1st bite of real food, sweet peas. We're holding off for a few more weeks before trying again.
Charlie Brown swirly
Caramel Candy Apples, gifts for our Buddy Walk team members
sneak peak at pictures of our Buddy Walk with Allison, Sophie, and Emmerson
Busted
Jack-o-lantern at Trunk-or-Treat (Best Costume, Judges Choice, made by MIL for BIL over 20 years ago)
Helena's 1st bite of real food, sweet peas. We're holding off for a few more weeks before trying again.
Charlie Brown swirly
Caramel Candy Apples, gifts for our Buddy Walk team members
sneak peak at pictures of our Buddy Walk with Allison, Sophie, and Emmerson
Busted
Jack-o-lantern at Trunk-or-Treat (Best Costume, Judges Choice, made by MIL for BIL over 20 years ago)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Whack-a-Mole
and
Why?
As a reminder to go to a dermatologist once in a while and to use sunscreen. My cousin (who is MY age) just had melanoma removed from her arm. That's SKIN FRIGGIN CANCER!! Scared the (bleep) out of us and sent me straight to my doc. We played whack-a-mole with one I had always lovingly thought of as a beauty mark. I didn't want to part with it, though docs throughout the years have suggested that I should. Thankfully, lab results confirm that it was fine.
It's fairly easy to get looked over (though you may need a referral and it could take a while to get in). I encourage everyone to stop putting it off if you have a mole that you've been wondering about and just set up an appointment. If naughty moles are caught early, it can be very treatable. Unfortunately, once melanoma spreads through the lymph nodes, it can be very difficult to cure. You can live with a little scar. You might not be so lucky with your beauty mark.
For more information on what to look for, click HERE
*to my bloggy friends, I'm woefully behind in my blog reading. I'll catch up and leave comments as I can.
Halloween's Past
Sitter is confirmed for Saturday night! I do believe Marilyn will make a repeat performance this year! I can't tell you how thrilling it is to be able to say that. Have I mentioned how much I love Halloween?
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Trunk or Treat
I love Halloween. I love decorating. I love the costumes. I love the candy. I love the scary movies. I don't love that the squirrels ate our first round of pumpkins. I bought a few more and took some advice and painted them with spray clear lacquer shellac and so far, so good. They look like they're wet, which is pretty cool.
Our church puts on a Trunk or Treat each year at Halloween and opens it up to the community as a free family-friendly event. We decorate our trunks, the kids safely trick or treat from car to car, and even the adults dress up. There are games, a parade, and even contests for costumes and the best decorated trunks.
I forgot to announce it earlier to our local friends (as I've had a few things on my mind), but we managed to make it today, despite yesterday being the Buddy Walk and today being Helena's baptism. I digress...
Gotta love little boys, right? I took Alexander shopping for a new Halloween costume (despite a trunk full of costumes). When we were shopping, he announced that he likes his jack-o-lantern costume best, better than any costume in the store. It's the one he wore last year. The one his grandma (Mark's mom) made over 20 years ago for his uncle Kent. Tonight Alexander won the Judge's Choice for best costume! His prize, a pumpkin. He was so excited!!!
Mark dressed up as an Oriole, the girls were lady bugs, and I was Little Miss Muffet. We had SO much fun. The only problem is that we have lots of candy left over. I should ask Mark to hide it for Halloween as I might have impulse control issues, knowing that it's in the house.
Another highlight of the day was watching our (hilarious, fun, and kind) youth minister Jason get slimed by the kids. He challenged the congregation a month or so ago to donate nearly a thousand bars of soap to send to Lutheran World Relief. He vowed that if we got enough, he'd agree to be slimed at the Trunk or Treat event. At last count we have collected over 1,050 bars of soap.
(for my RSS readers, be sure to check out the new header taken at the Trunk or Treat event)
Happy Halloween everyone!
Gotta love a pastor who dresses up like a student of Hogwart's
(as always, click each picture to enlarge)
Our church puts on a Trunk or Treat each year at Halloween and opens it up to the community as a free family-friendly event. We decorate our trunks, the kids safely trick or treat from car to car, and even the adults dress up. There are games, a parade, and even contests for costumes and the best decorated trunks.
I forgot to announce it earlier to our local friends (as I've had a few things on my mind), but we managed to make it today, despite yesterday being the Buddy Walk and today being Helena's baptism. I digress...
Gotta love little boys, right? I took Alexander shopping for a new Halloween costume (despite a trunk full of costumes). When we were shopping, he announced that he likes his jack-o-lantern costume best, better than any costume in the store. It's the one he wore last year. The one his grandma (Mark's mom) made over 20 years ago for his uncle Kent. Tonight Alexander won the Judge's Choice for best costume! His prize, a pumpkin. He was so excited!!!
Mark dressed up as an Oriole, the girls were lady bugs, and I was Little Miss Muffet. We had SO much fun. The only problem is that we have lots of candy left over. I should ask Mark to hide it for Halloween as I might have impulse control issues, knowing that it's in the house.
Another highlight of the day was watching our (hilarious, fun, and kind) youth minister Jason get slimed by the kids. He challenged the congregation a month or so ago to donate nearly a thousand bars of soap to send to Lutheran World Relief. He vowed that if we got enough, he'd agree to be slimed at the Trunk or Treat event. At last count we have collected over 1,050 bars of soap.
(for my RSS readers, be sure to check out the new header taken at the Trunk or Treat event)
Happy Halloween everyone!
Gotta love a pastor who dresses up like a student of Hogwart's
(as always, click each picture to enlarge)
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