Preschool Blues Part III, Unhappy Mama Bear

We have greatly appreciated the support from you all during Sophie's first week of preschool. We feel the love! She has had some good experiences and I'm not ready to change schools due to the problems we have had. I am a mother first but I am also an Advocate with a capital A, a job I take seriously. I need to make this right for Sophie's benefit and for all of the other kids at her school. I sent the email reply (below) to Sophie's preschool today after I had been emailed by Sophie's lead teacher who apologized that her bulging diaper (pee & dried poop!) had gone unnoticed yesterday. This mama don't play that. grr!

I will continue to document my concerns and reach out to the school until things are right. At this time I am working directly with her teacher and do not feel an IEP meeting needs to be called. Other ideas from our savvy friends would be welcomed. Rather than explain what happened I am posting my email response below (shrunk to save space). Click the 3 images to enlarge. Names of the teachers have been removed for privacy.

-----------------------------------

-----------------------------------

UPDATE: I received an email response from her teacher this afternoon and they address every.single.last concern. We may need to tweak some of the plans to get them just right, but overall I am pleased. Hallelujah!

Preschool Blues II, A New Day

First of all, I want to thank all of you who reached out to offer your support when we had a no good, very bad 1st day of preschool. Family, friends, and perfect strangers left notes of encouragement on the blog, fb, and texts showing that they are standing with us. I can't express how much I really appreciate that. Friends who have been here with their children (with and without a disability) reminded me how this is truly a shared experience and that letting go is hard but we all survive and are better for it. I've received messages from people who are wondering how it went today. People who care about our little preschooler and who have been waiting patiently for an update.

Yesterday I had a good conversation with her lead teacher and we came up with a plan. I learned that she really did have a good day up until they went outside and she overheated. As our high temp is 98 degrees today and they would not be going outside, we didn't have to implement Plan B, C, D, or E.

I didn't stay for more than a few minutes when I dropped her off. She was happy to be there and I was happy to slip out the door unseen. As planned, I arrived early (just 15 minutes) and peeked through the door to the gross motor play room where her class was playing. What I found was a happy, active girl who was having the time of her life. Her brother, sister, and I waited in the hall for class to end. She caught me lifting Alexander up so he could see through the window, so we went in to say hi.

There were tears when we left but they were because she didn't want to leave. Sophie is going to rock this school!

Preschool Blues

This morning I drove my 3 year old beautiful, funny, loving daughter to her first day at preschool. Her classroom has a mixture of other children with Individual Education Plans (IEPs) and children who do not have IEPs. There are two teachers and the lead teacher has a Master's in special education. It is a wonderful school. On our tour, Sophie loved it and was angry with us when we had to go. I had no doubts that my little social butterfly would do well there.

I knew this morning would be hard on me, letting her go. Parents all over the world are going through their own child's first day of preschool, kindergarten, college. Letting go is harder on us then on the kids. We leave a piece of our hearts in their backpacks as they board the bus or as we turn to say goodbye and try to make it out of the classroom before we can no longer hold back the dam. Parents of children with special needs aren't any different in this way from other parents. Except, I think, we are.

For me today wasn't just about my baby girl taking a big step towards growing up. Yes, all parents have to trust that the schools will do right by their children and keep them safe from harm's way. However, when you have a child who has a developmental disability and is nonverbal or like Sophie with a very, very limited vocabulary, this ups the ante. We don't just worry about whether or not they will be afraid once they realize we aren't there, or if they will make friends, or participate in the activities. We wonder how on God's green Earth we will ever know. Will I know if a child is picking on her or the extreme case if she has a teacher or aid that is dangerous when she can't tell me? Monsters like this are out there and they target our kids, a fact that keeps me up at night if I allow my mind to go there. The trust ante is up when we send our kids to school and so is my anxiety level.


This morning when we were walking in her classroom another little student said, "Hey you can't come in here. You're not our friend!" I introduced him to Sophie and the teacher explained that it was time to make new friends and that Sophie was their new friend. That settled the matter. I had to laugh at myself (in my head of course) for allowing a 3 year old to briefly rattle my fragile cage. Sophie jumped right in and began exploring and playing. She didn't seem to need me in the slightest. I didn't want to be the mom who hovers when her child is just fine, so I snapped a few pictures and let her take this giant step towards independence.


Three hours later I returned to pick up my big preschooler. Her class was outside on the playground and I snapped a couple of pictures before really looking at her. What I discovered was that she wasn't the curious, happy little girl I had left 3 hours ago. Her skin was the shade of bright pink that she gets when she has over heated (pictures do not do it justice). My child cannot tolerate extremes in temperature or direct sunlight for very long. She was just sitting there, like a lump. Her lethargy and skin coloring was not good. It hadn't even occurred to me to warn them that even 10 minutes in weather like this can be too much. (enter panic, guilt, anger, worry) I think I was especially taken off guard because when I left she was doing great. In the past Alexander has had off days at preschool, but they were always at the beginning, not the end of the day, so I expected to find a happy girl.

I spoke with her teacher to ask how long they had been outside, which she assured me was not very long. I explained that she needs to be watched carefully in such bright light and heat and she too became concerned. She got Sophie a glass of water (which she didn't drink) and said something about making sure to have water outside in the future. I was barely listening. She told me that Sophie loved music time and playing instruments. Of course she did. She's a big music fan. They played with playdough and "she lasted longer than she expected." I didn't ask how long that meant because I was ready to run for the hills, my baby in my arms. "She didn't care too much for story time," which I said surprised me as she loves books. The teacher thought maybe it was because it was a group activity. hmmm? No time to talk. Gotta run away now.

I carried my limp ragdoll to the car and then she lost it and she didn't stop screaming and crying for an hour and a half. Crying in a way that I have not seen, maybe ever, certainly not without a painful injury. I was barely able to get her to drink juice and lunch just wasn't happening. Through her sobs I heard her cry "Daddy" over and over. She wouldn't let me put her down for more than 90 minutes.

My daughter's few words aren't enough to explain to her momma why she's so upset. Was she just overheated and cranky? Was she afraid when she realized that I wasn't there? Was she upset because she didn't understand what today was about, that she's in preschool? Was she worried that I wouldn't be back to get her? Was it all just too much to take in? What happened?

She can't tell me. My child was so distraught that only Skyping Daddy at work and then watching her favorite show Yo Gabba Gabba finally dried her tears and got her off my lap. I felt panicked at my inability to calm her, to understand what was in her mind and heart. I'm angry and I'm fantasizing about either withdrawing her from school forever or sitting in every class until she's 22 years old. Neither is the right option.

My new but already very cherished friend Mara's Spidey senses were tingling and I got a text from her asking how it went. When she didn't like my reply she called me right away and talked me down off my emotional ledge as only true friends can. She let me cry and whine. She told me about her daughter (without special needs) who had thrown fits of gargantuan proportions for 3 months when she started school. She reminded me that her son (who has Down syndrome) will be starting preschool soon and I might need to return the favor if she loses it. She helped me remember that Alexander had his awful preschool days too.

The thing is, I get that all children, typically developing or not, have their own ways of processing change and adjusting to things like school. For me the heart of my pain lies in our communication barrier. It is true that other 3 year olds may have a hard time expressing their feelings or even understanding them, but it is different when you have a child with special needs. It just is. I don't say this to garner pity. Parents of children with special needs do not need that. We need phone calls, understanding, humor.

Sophie finally calmed down enough to eat at 2 and fell asleep at 2:30. We have a day off as she doesn't go back until Wednesday and I'm already coming up with a plan for how to be better prepared, for the both of us.

Restless Mind

I can't sleep tonight. Tomorrow morning we will visit a potential preschool for Sophia. Preschool for my baby girl. I've heard good things about this school. It has a mix of kids with IEPs and kids without. She would receive her therapies there. If we like it and it is a good fit, we sign the papers tomorrow.

Kindergarten registration for Alexander is Thursday. Kindergarten for my baby boy. It is a half day session, but I can't choose am or pm as it depends on the class size and makeup. This means that depending on which session he is placed in, one or both of my school kids may be riding a bus. My babies. On a bus. With Alexander, I'm ok. I'm sentimental, but ok. The thought of putting my 3 year old on a bus makes me dizzy. If I could carry her there in my womb, I would do it. I have friends who have already been through this and survived. Her IEP specifies door to door service. It will be ok. She will be ok. I will be driving behind that bus on the first day, even if it means Mark misses work.

Enough of that. Recently our camera was dropped and broke. My camera is like an appendage. I cannot be without one, but fixing old cameras costs as much as buying a new one. Mark was having heart palpitations about spending the money on a new one, but this did not compare to my freak out in not having one. So after a little research we took our birthday cash and picked up a Sony point and shoot. This new tiny camera is light years ahead of my old camera and even films in HD. I'm not even sure exactly what HD is.

I've only snapped a few shots and am just learning all the settings. So far, I'm pretty impressed. I'm also thrilled that it has a rechargeable battery which practically pays for itself in a year or so. This little camera has a feature to shoot panoramic photos. You hold down the button and span to get your shot and it stitches it together. You're supposed to shoot in a straight line. I hate being told what to do so the kids and I messed around a little tonight (even though the light was a bit too dim) and came up with a few mind benders. Instead of shooting straight, I shot in an arc. Instead of having them sit still, I encouraged them to run in circles resulting in multiple images of each kid in the same shot. It's best to click them to enlarge.

Oh my sweet Lainey Lou. You won't leave your momma for school. What are we going to do with ourselves this fall?

School doesn't start for Sophie for four weeks and 5 weeks for Alexander, so I am refocusing on enjoying every last drop of summer. We hope to hit the beach this week, camera in hand.

Alexander's Special Day

My boy and I love baking cookies together. It's a special time for the two of us where we can escape the rest of the family and have some quality mommy/son time together. The best part? Why licking the beaters, of course!

At Alexander's preschool, each child gets a "Special Day." The staff goes all out to incorporate whatever "thing" the child deems 'special.' Some kids have picked Star Wars, or letters, or firefighting as their special thing. Alexander picked ships. His teachers did such a great job in finding activities with a ship theme, and he was a smiley, happy boy.

One of the activities of the day was Shuffle Board, a game typically played on cruise ships of course.

Ships and boats of every shape and size were all over the room!

Pirate Ships represented!

and the project for the day? Making a captain's spy glass was the task at hand. Later, he had the ship's special, including a peanut butter sandwich cut into the shape of a ship (complete with smoke stacks and red crosses) making it a replica of the Britannic. The kid was in Heaven!

Preschool

Ahh back to preschool. Last year Alexander had so much fun. In the spring he had his own special day, which was of course, all about trains.

The staff built him a train out of boxes that he loved!

On the last day, they had a beach party and invited the families.

One last storey time and we said our goodbyes for the summer.

School began again on Monday. Last year he went MWF but this year we think a full week is in order. It's hard to believe that summer is gone. He really shot up over the past few months and is looking more and more like a big boy.

Inclusive Schools Week

Inclusive Schools Week (Dec. 1-5) is an annual event sponsored by the Inclusive Schools Network (ISN) at Education Development Center, Inc. (EDC), which is held each year during the first week in December. Since its inception in 2001, Inclusive Schools Week has celebrated the progress that schools have made in providing a supportive and quality education to an increasingly diverse student population, including students who are marginalized due to disability, gender, socio-economic status, cultural heritage, language preference and other factors.

Last year, our local Down Syndrome Network participated in National Inclusive Schools Week by donating books about Down syndrome to local schools. Since Alexander is in preschool this year, we were able to participate. Yesterday he donated "Hi I'm Ben...and I've Got a Secret" to his preschool's library.

As a bonus, here are a few shots from Sophie's playgroup yesterday.

This mat was not only colorful, but had many different textures as well.

Girls will be girls...

TGIF

Alexander's preschool orientation was today. (weepy momma). We found bows for Sophie's very thin, short hair that don't immediately fall out or make her cry. (weepy momma). We will make history with this election. (weepy momma)