It's as Easy as Breathing

Except that sometimes breathing is definitely NOT easy. When it's your baby struggling with breathing, it's downright scary.

Monday Night: Tale tell signs of a cold appear in Sophie.

Tuesday Morning: Yep a cold, but will we avoid the 4th croup since November?

Tuesday mid-afternoon: No we won't and I'm not waiting to start the oral steroid, Prednisolone 5MG/5ML. She'll only get one of the 2 doses today, 9 ML each, as we started so late.

Tuesday Night: Not good. Coughing increases. Sleep is pitiful.

Wednesday Day: No fever (she never has a fever with croup). Nap time fails. Can't lay down to sleep, even propped up as coughing increases.

Wednesday Night: 2 vaporizers in our room. Still, we hit a new level. The cough is not good and that it so obviously hurts her, hurts me. What makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck is her attempt to inhale during a coughing spell. Attempt. Try. Not happening. Choking, gasping, her expression and my inability to stop it - pain. We've got a new sound with this inhale and that sound is fear. It passes. My fear does not.

We sat in the bathroom with the shower on hot for our Poor Man's Sauna (to breathe in the steamy air) while Mark talked to the nurse. A trip to the ER tonight? It could go either way and so the ER dance begins. Do we or don't we? Ran out of hot water and transitioned to where we would be for the night. The living room rocker/recliner. She's upright and doing better. Call a friend in "the know." ER? It could go either way.

11pm we record this for the docs. The room was dark so you can't see anything. The inhale is better and the sound of fear isn't there. Still, I pack the diaper bag and start the car. She settles down. She's sleeping soundly on her daddy's lap in the crux of his arm and breathing is good. No coughing. I turn off the car and Mark begins the first shift. He makes me lay down after midnight and begins reading another book about Russia.

4:15am her coughing wakes me up. She's been fully upright and asleep for 4 hours. On and off for 10 minutes she coughs. I bundle us up and we dance outside on the front porch for a few minutes. We call this Shock the Monkey, as in breath in cold air to calm down the inflamed airway, like icing a swollen ankle. It works or she stops on her own. Who knows?

My shift begins. Mark is to riled to sleep until 5am. I assume the position in the chair. Since there is no way I can keep up the fully upright position, we settle for Soph on my chest as inclined as I can stand. It occurs to me that we are three, me, Maybe, and Soph, snuggled in and breathing together. Soph's breath effects mine which effects Maybe's oxygen. I try not to watch the clock.

Thursday: Another Poor Man's Sauna as we clean up. Dr. sees us near 11. Weight: 21 lbs. Temp: 99.1 O2: 97 Lungs: clear. We play the recording of her cough. Doc agrees it's croup. Duh. Ask for a new remedy, up the steroid dosage, nebulizer, something. Yet, we are given No change in treatment. Doc says a neb is used to help the lungs and Soph's issue is in in her breathing tube (obviously not in these terms - give me a break I'm tired). He says a neb could do more harm than good. I think he meant a neb with epinephrine, which we haven't asked for or even Albuterol. Yes I know she doesn't have asthma or pneumonia. I've heard and read that a neb with steroid (and we're already giving oral steroids) or even a neb with just with saline can be quite helpful.

We get an appt. with Dr. Lung next week so this ped lung specialist can have a look. We're tired, frustrated, expected Something to change and nothing did. Doc says the ER probably wouldn't do much either (give oxygen and monitor her) but go in tonight if we feel it's needed. ? Not letting the nebulizer decision go quite yet. Any info is appreciated.

Refill meds and ask Mr. Bojangles (pharmacist) why I can't find the BabyLax suppositories. They stopped making it. Now they only have Pedialax for ages 2-5 and it's a liquid suppository vs. gel glycerin. We have to have it on hand as 1 missed dose of Miralax (given near bedtime as part of our routine that occasionally isn't done before she conks out) causes Painful constipation within 1.5-3 days. Sometimes introducing new foods or illness causes it too. Fine, I settle for Pedialax.

At Culver's for lunch we sit in a booth with giant window next to the train tracks and sure enough Alexander gets to see a freight train. He also, out of the blue informs me, "Mom you're not fat." I'm quite sure we don't talk much about being fat so I thank him and ask him what fat means. I got a jumbled reply, something about being different? I'll take the compliment anyway.

Soph is still sick and snot is coming out of her nose and right eye but nap time yielded a short and much needed rest. She's also saying her favorite new word a lot this evening, Uh-oh.

So tonight? ER? Poor Man's Sauna or Shock the Monkey? We'll see. Tomorrow I'm speaking to her ped to give an update and I plan to forward on some info about nebulizers for croup. Hope mama bear doesn't have to come out.