Week 40

Week 40, Day 1
-Helena is due upon the completion of this week on Mother's Day, May 10th

Mothers. Mother's Day. Child birth. Labor. Nesting. Battling fear and anxiety demons. Looking for and finding creative outlets. Trying desperately to keep my head right and the kids' schedules as close to normal as possible. Waiting. Limbo.

Blessings. Little blessings and overwhelmingly gargantuan ones like my mother in law, who has been more of a mother to me for years. A mother who interrupts her life altering plans, like moving and packing for an out of country trip to come help us. To come scrub our toilet, change dirty diapers, clean the house, feed us body and soul.

Walks alone or with Mark to our beautiful neighborhood park at twilight. My favorite time that is not quite day, not quite night. Where shadows and the lighting make everything seem more magical and mysterious. Letting go and swinging on the swings. Taking it all in and quieting my mind.

Thoughts of my grandma who passed away on May 5, 2006. Knowing that if my baby is born tomorrow, I won't think it morbid, but a celebration and honor of her life. I miss her. (previous post)

Friends who step up and offer to be called in the middle of the day or night. People I've met in real life and those who I've not met in person who have sent good vibes, thoughts, and prayers. New friends who enrich my life and are helping me to grow.

My doula who is priceless. Long gone are the days of child birth in a red tent on bricks surrounded by the strength and knowledge of women's hands. There is something quite powerful, earthy, primitive, and timeless about doulas and midwives. With Trish, I know peace and regain my trust.

I'm progressing and am now at -1 with Helena's head fully engaged during my prenatal today. 75% effaced or, as my midwife put it, complete mush. Dilated to 2cm. Could still be a while, or not. Specific thoughts to send my way this week are: No stalling of labor once it begins, a quick labor (but not so quick that we don't make it to the hospital - again), get through the afternoon tomorrow (Tues, May 5th) so that Mark can finish his classes and I can treat myself to a pedicure, peace and a calm mind.

Belly Shot Week 40

WARNING

Bare belly shots below complete with unedited stretch marks and gall bladder surgery scars. Can't handle it? X out now.

I've been inspired to paint the belly cast in a Van Gogh, Starry Night theme. I've just started, but here's what I've got so far. It's been a very relaxing and creative outlet.