Monday, August 23, 2010

Blocked

recommended listening for this post, Soundtrack of Our Lives playlist #5 on the sidebar. Scroll down, click play on #5 and then come back if you like.

Without rain flowers cannot bloom.

I know if it is going to be a dreary, soggy day before I open my eyes. I can feel it. Weather like this shapes my mood before my feet hit the floor. While a good thunderstorm is soothing and clears my head, rain without a storm tends to bring about melancholy. Yesterday was such a day.

The rain wasn't going to help the restlessness in my soul that I had been battling all weekend. An impromptu dinner at our house with our neighbors Saturday night temporarily broke my cabin fever. Adult conversation, good beer, and home-made hummus from our new friend (a chef) had gone a long way to shake me out of this reverie. Waking to rain washed away that reserve.

I couldn't stomach the thought of spending the day indoors, ignoring the 3 baskets of laundry that that were sorted and stacked days ago. I knew I'd lose it if I spent one more second on fb with the tv set to Nick Jr. in the background. As Mark is the greatest husband on Earth who understands me sometimes better than I understand myself, without hesitation he agreed that I needed to get out of the house, alone.

An over sized umbrella and camera in hand, I walked up the road to catch Julia in Eat Pray Love. I hadn't been to the movies by myself in a long time and this seemed like just the flick for my state of mind. In EPL, Liz finds herself on her bathroom floor weeping and praying for direction which leads to a life altering journey. Now, I'm not there, but I seem to be on a quest without the foggiest idea of what I'm searching for. In the Artist's Way (a life altering book that everyone should read, seriously) we learn that we are all artists and that when we deny our creativity we become blocked. When we are blocked we are denying God's work through us. My name is Jen and I am a blocked artist.

Through the camera I tried to snap my way out of this slump, to create - something. I walked, soaked to the bone in the warm summer rain, seeking inspiration. Mark is teaching his first class at his new university today. Soph is starting preschool next week which will be her first real step towards independence. Kindergarten starts really late here (mid-September), but Alexander too is at the beginning of a new adventure. It's time for me to figure out what I'm going to do before I end up drunk in the street, crooning like Mr Bean to 'Yesterday' or to Reba's 'Is There Life Out There.'

A mother to three little ones only has so much time for such self indulgence and examination before needing to hike up her big girl panties and buck up. This is especially true when the youngest is teething and needs to be held and comforted. So, I whispered a hasty prayer for direction, to find beauty in the rain, and headed home.

5 comments:

RK said...

An artist, yes. Blocked? Not in my book. Not when you can produce that kind of beauty in word and with nature.

Welcome back, I say. :o)

Becca said...

Oh, I'm with RK on this. Beautiful post, beautiful photos. Definitely on a clear path.

Anonymous said...

My dearest Jenny...you inspire those who know you everyday with the "artistic" way that you parent. You are a hands on mother in a way that you do not see every day. You are kind and beautiful in the graceful way you do most everything!
Stay strong and focused and bless M for giving you the room you need to recharge!
In through the nose...out through the mouth, take each breath slowly...

love,
the prairie

whatever to us said...

Beautiful post and pics- I agree with RK and Becca, artist yes-blocked? not so much. Miss you guys more than I realized was going to happen. Hope your slump flips soon for you and that all your kids have a great start to a new school year! Hugs :)

JRS said...

My friends. You humble me. In AW we say that through the block it is best to keep trying and fake it till you make it. So, onward I will press. I'll find my direction. Thanks for hanging with me in the rain.
---Jen