Blocked

recommended listening for this post, Soundtrack of Our Lives playlist #5 on the sidebar. Scroll down, click play on #5 and then come back if you like.

Without rain flowers cannot bloom.

I know if it is going to be a dreary, soggy day before I open my eyes. I can feel it. Weather like this shapes my mood before my feet hit the floor. While a good thunderstorm is soothing and clears my head, rain without a storm tends to bring about melancholy. Yesterday was such a day.

The rain wasn't going to help the restlessness in my soul that I had been battling all weekend. An impromptu dinner at our house with our neighbors Saturday night temporarily broke my cabin fever. Adult conversation, good beer, and home-made hummus from our new friend (a chef) had gone a long way to shake me out of this reverie. Waking to rain washed away that reserve.

I couldn't stomach the thought of spending the day indoors, ignoring the 3 baskets of laundry that that were sorted and stacked days ago. I knew I'd lose it if I spent one more second on fb with the tv set to Nick Jr. in the background. As Mark is the greatest husband on Earth who understands me sometimes better than I understand myself, without hesitation he agreed that I needed to get out of the house, alone.

An over sized umbrella and camera in hand, I walked up the road to catch Julia in Eat Pray Love. I hadn't been to the movies by myself in a long time and this seemed like just the flick for my state of mind. In EPL, Liz finds herself on her bathroom floor weeping and praying for direction which leads to a life altering journey. Now, I'm not there, but I seem to be on a quest without the foggiest idea of what I'm searching for. In the Artist's Way (a life altering book that everyone should read, seriously) we learn that we are all artists and that when we deny our creativity we become blocked. When we are blocked we are denying God's work through us. My name is Jen and I am a blocked artist.

Through the camera I tried to snap my way out of this slump, to create - something. I walked, soaked to the bone in the warm summer rain, seeking inspiration. Mark is teaching his first class at his new university today. Soph is starting preschool next week which will be her first real step towards independence. Kindergarten starts really late here (mid-September), but Alexander too is at the beginning of a new adventure. It's time for me to figure out what I'm going to do before I end up drunk in the street, crooning like Mr Bean to 'Yesterday' or to Reba's 'Is There Life Out There.'

A mother to three little ones only has so much time for such self indulgence and examination before needing to hike up her big girl panties and buck up. This is especially true when the youngest is teething and needs to be held and comforted. So, I whispered a hasty prayer for direction, to find beauty in the rain, and headed home.